Honesty

Apparently, honesty is the order of the day, even in light of things like manners, consideration, and tact, so I am going to be honest.

First of all, I am becoming increasingly more annoyed with people using their so-called expertise (citing their credentials) when trying to impose their opinions on me. Scenario: if, at my own birthday party I feel compelled to listen to a particular album while I get my drink on, let me fucking have it. Here's a newsflash: being in school to get a degree in music and/or taking .music theory classes does not mean your opinion of music is more informed or valid than mine. If you truly believe this then you should only watch the movies that Roger Ebert recommends. After all, he is the most qualified man in the country as far as film criticism is concerned. Now, I am an Ebert fan. I read his reviews on a weekly basis and have missed him since he begun his convalescence. However, I don't always agree with him. As a matter of fact, I have often strongly disagreed with him. The point is, taste is subjective. Whenever you unabashedly insult someone's taste (yes, especially even as a guest in said person's house on the day said person is sending off the most miserable year of his life), you can't try to pull rank by citing your profound knowledge of music. If you do, you forfeit all rights to expressing your opinions concerning literature around me unless you have a Ph. D or unless your Master's degree is from a more prestigious university and your grades were significantly better than mine. DO YOU SEE HOW FUCKING RIDICULOUS THIS IS? But I haven't gotten all the sarcasm out yet. After all, isn't music at least half about the lyrics, the written, VERBAL message? If that's the case then Denise and I were the two most qualified music critics in the fucking room because our Master's degrees in literature trump the degrees in process and the occasional music theory class that were vocalizing the law on Saturday.

Other observations from which I will create general laws:
1) Don't blindly follow your girlfriend/boyfriend's lead. Be an individual.
2) Don't get pissed off at your friends for telling you when you are out of line.
3) Take a good, long look at yourself before you point that goddamn finger.
4) Appreciate patient people. Do not take advantage of them.

Sorry if I've made anyone uncomfortable but I'm not into the whole passive aggressive thing. Plus, Newton was on to something with that Third Law. To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Eulogy

I hope I don't offend anyone with this, but I feel compelled to say that when you write "In Loving Memory Of..." on your car or truck with stickers, it means literally that the vehicle in question is a tribute in locomotion to the memory of a human being. While I know that there are probably some kids out there who thinks it's romantic or tragic to have lost a loved one, I am going to be a humanitarian and give the majority of said sticker eulogizers the benefit of the doubt. I do believe that these people hurt and wish to somehow "sweep the chimney," but it just weirds me out that someone would dedicate a car. I mean, if you accomplish a great deed, or give to charity, or otherwise positively influence the world in tribute to a formerly living person, well, that's something else altogether. Maybe it's some kind of confessional drive. I don't quite understand it. I saw a huge banner today on a delivery truck. One of those big polluting trucks that deliver the jugs of water to businesses. Please, if I die young (and I've noticed that most of the said eulogized usually do) do not dedicate a car to me. Unless it's a really fucking amazing car. And then you have to make sure you get freaky on the hood...in my memory.

One of those random surveys that Abel and Jesse like so much

Prologue

1. Where did you take your default pic?
I don't have one. To be honest, I'd rather be on the viewfinder end of the camera.

2. What exactly are you wearing right now?
If you must know, jeans and NWSA polo because I am at work. Otherwise, my response would be similar to Abel's. I find clothes oppressive.

3. What is your current problem?
Ha!

4. What makes you most happy?
It's lame to try to always try to find the "most," "least," "worst," "best" of everything. A lot of things make me happy and unhappy. Be more specific next time and you might get an answer.

5. What's the name of the song that you're listening to?
Again, you are assuming I'm listening to music right now. If that were the case, it'd be something like "Paper Rustling as Students Puzzle Over Essays." I don't know. I've been listening to a lot of Destroyer lately.


6. Do you ever watch MTV?
Not if I have another option, like kicking myself in the nuts.


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Chapter 1:

1. Middle name:
Not Applicable.

2. Nickname(s):
Besides the obvious two, Abel calls me Phoenix and Melissa calls me Mint Julep. Everyone else pretty much employs the standard.

3. Current location:
Planet Earth

4. Eye color:
Currently under debate. The leading candidates are green, blue, and blue-green.

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Chapter 2:

1. Do you live with your parents?
In the sense that they are alive and so am I. We do not, however, share a residence.

2. Do you get along with your parent(s)?
Very well.

3. Are your parents married/separated/divorced?
Married.

4. Do you have any Siblings?:
Older brother and younger sister (plus a few random pets).
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Chapter 3: Favorite...

1. Ice Cream:
Something with chocolate in it.


2. Season:
Winter, but not this fake-ass Miami winter.

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Chapter 4: Do You..

1. Write on your hand:
Only when I want to remind myself to do something.

2.Call people back?
Almost always.

3. Believe in love?
Of course.

4. Sleep on a certain side of the bed?
The left side. Been mine for years. If I'm not sharing it, I like to go diagonal.

5. Have any bad habits?
Breathing, thinking.

6. Any mental health issues?
You should see my file. It's a fat one.

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Chapter 5: Have You...

1. Broken a bone:
Never.

2. Sprained stuff:
Frequently.

3. Had physical therapy?:
No.

4. Gotten stitches:
Nine so far. Six on my forehead and three under my right eye.

5. Taken painkillers?
Excedrin's great for headaches. Body aches: Ibuprofin.


6. Gone SCUBA diving or snorkeling:
You can keep it. I have an aversion to sharks. I'd rather be on the beach with a drink.

7. Been stung by a bee:
Who hasn't?

8. Thrown up at the dentist:
Does this really happen?

9. Sworn in front of your parents:
Who hasn't?

10. Had detention:
Yep.

11. Been sent to the principal's office:
Yep.

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Chapter 6: Who/What was the last


1. Movie(s):
The Illusionist.

2. Person to text you?:
Let me check. Jesse.

3. Person you called:
My mom.

4. Person you hugged?
Denise.


5. Person you tackled?:
Don't remember.

6. Thing you touched?
The keyboard as I typed this.

7. Thing you ate?:
A salad. Yeah, exciting, I know.

8. Thing you drank?
Water. More excitement. Ask better questions.

9. Thing you said?:
I'm not done saying things.

Leftist

Saw two good movies this weekend: Crank and The Illusionist. It's funny seeing them in the same sentence because they are really very different. Nonetheless, there are some fundamental similarities. I guess that's our lot: to be predictable in our pursuit of satisfaction. Unfortunately, I'm like Mick, or at least how Mick claims to be because he seems to do pretty well for himself. Random thoughts: I think I'd like to get a campaign going to renew the integrity of the passing lane. She's been whored around way too much by Mr. But-My-Exit'll-Be-On-The-Left-In-Ten- Miles and Ms. I-Don't-Like-Having-A-Car-In-Front-Of-Me-Even-Though-I'm-Going-The-Same- Speed-as-Said-Car. It seems like most people don't even know what a passing lane is. Let's put an end to Left Lane abuse. And another thing: someone tell me who lied to everyone and told them that a slight drizzle can make your car spin out uncontrollably, so you should drive 5 mph on the highway. Point him out to me and I'll send Jesse to hit him in the nuts. And what the fuck is so interesting about that cop giving that driver a ticket. Goddamn rubberneckers. Anyhow, getting whacked in the nuts hurts and I'm going to make it a point to never let it happen again (mental note: wear a cup next time you go drinking with the Slow Turn). Oh, one more thing. This keyboard is broken and some letters (especially c, v, m, and x) don't work periodically until I whack the key repeatedly for a few enraged seconds. I sometimes give up and copy/paste the letters I need but this blog interface doesn't let me do that. This blog, for example, took me like 20 minutes to write as a result. One last interesting observation (to me at least) this blog's spellcheck doesn't have the word "blog" in its database.