The Fluffy Pink Spirit of Valentine's Day

Yesterday, to celebrate Valentine's Day, I had my students bring in and read literature (poems, fiction, lyrics, etc.) concerning the many forms of love. The goal was to share and discuss and, hopefully, argue about the concept and, perhaps, the holiday created in its honor (even if it's mostly from love of money, but I'm not really that cynical). Anyhow, so one of my students brought to class some Romance novels and a genuine appreciation for them. I'm not going into every detail of the sublime hilarity that transpired, but I will give you the spoken golden nugget of the festivities. When, after spending a great deal of time laughing about every detail of one particular novel in which a woman falls in love with a wolf (everything about it was funny: the title, the plot, the writing, the author's pen name, and, especially, the cover. I could not have designed and created a genuinely funnier object if I spent years planning), my aforementioned champion of the Romance novel said, "It's got lots of symbolism. Like, if you love somebody you can't just leave them 'cause they're a wolf!" The moment was so beautiful, I almost cried. Instead, I am going to create yet another stupid list. This time of Romance novel concepts, compiling original titles, pen names, and plot summaries. I'll start the list below.

1) Saffron Night: All for a Human Kiss
The story is about a woman who gets into a fatal car accident. Her guardian angel looks into her beautiful dead face and prepares to escort her to heaven when he realizes that he is in love with her. Conflicted, he ponders what to do. If she is dead, then he can talk to her in accordance to heavenly law as it is forbidden for angels to speak with living humans. However, he knows the act of true love would be to bring her back to life even though it would then be forbidden for him to reveal himself to her. He chooses to resurrect her, knowing that he will have to face the consequences. Sure enough, after bringing her back to life, the Angel police (Internal Affairs Division) arrive to take the guardian angel to Heaven prison. Figuring, "Fuck it," he escapes and flies to earth to follow his heart. He assumes the form of a human and woos the woman.

This sums up the first five pages of the book. The other 300 are basically made up of sex scenes in different settings as the two lovers are constantly on the run from the Angel police. Oh yeah, and there'll be an especially long sex scene after he reveals his true identity to her and they accept the prospect of eternal damnation for a few years of bliss on this earth.

2) Paprika Jones: Court on Fire
This book will make no attempt to hide the fact that it is targeted at African-American women. The premise is simple and, as always, the plot will take a back seat to the abundant sex scenes. The protagonist is a successful sports agent. She is a workaholic and makes it a point to stay out of relationships in order to focus on work. As a result, she masturbates quite a bit and has numerous one night stands. After she sleeps with one of her clients, an extremely popular basketball star, she finds herself thinking and fantasizing about him constantly. However, she cannot let him interfere with her work and rues the fact that she let her defenses down and did something as unprofessional as bone a client. Also, she doesn't like that he is a player and does not trust his intentions. Eventually, she realizes that she too is a player and her mind is opened. There is some cheesy dialogue about "playing a game of one on one on the court of life" and they decide to enter a relationship.